What Happened to My Life

Well, I had my 20th high school reunion recently (ah, the cat is out of the bag now!), and of course I’m up there on Facebook too. It’s that act of running into the old faces that causes us to visit, both for others and ourselves, that question, “What have I done with myself for the last so many years?”

It’s been a difficult one for me as I’ve not followed a traditional path, or really any path at all you might say…

Around the time I first came to the realization that my personal trip through life was not going to be so clear cut, a psychologist I was working with shared the following prediction with my mother:

“She seems to be very talented and capable in a number of areas, so it’s going to be very difficult for her, especially since she doesn’t come from a family with a lot of resources to support her exploration. It will probably be years before she finds her calling, and she may never find it.”

Hmmm. Well there’s a nice rosy prediction! Did it come true?

My Profile

As it turns out, the hardworking folks who put together said high school reunion followed up with a nifty reunion website, which offered up the opportunity to answer the question point blank:

What have you been up to since 1988?

So I rolled up my sleeves and gave it a go. What have I been up to? Though my answer reveals the frenetic nature of my history, and also belies too greatly a tenacious urge to package myself in some fashion, here it is nonetheless.

What I Have Been Up to Since 1988

I’ve studied, variously, computer engineering, photography, conceptual performance art and installation art, operatic vocal performance, and digital media marketing.

I’ve worked, variously, in database applications development, project management, advertising copywriting, internet marketing, and the toughest job of all: ethical, thoughtful mamahood.

I’ve performed, variously, in scenes from La Traviata, The Magic Flute, Carmen, I Pagliacci, and underground Brooklyn theatre involving lots of fake blood.

I’ve lived, variously, in San Francisco, Baltimore, and New York (Lower East Side, Manhattan and Williamsburg, Brooklyn).

I worked on Wall Street during 9/11. Built out a warehouse loft in Brooklyn. Learned how to use screw guns and tape walls. Had a baby at home in a kiddie pool. Made a lot of money. Made not so much money. Went crazy a couple o’ times. I learned to love triple fermented beers. Homeschooled. Posed nekkid for painters. Designed really complex expensive database structures for insurance and financial companies. Watched pigeons fly in circles on my roof as the bird man waved his red bandana through the air. Tried really hard to be a good parent. Tried some more. Swapped out shampoo for baking soda and Windex for vinegar. Swapped out New York for Normal. And here I am. Still trying to figure it all out.

My Hero

You know who my hero is? It’s somebody who doesn’t for a second struggle over this kind of question because they’ve managed, whether through luck, generosity, good karma or force of will, to fashion their life in a way that truly speaks out loud about their values. In a conversation with hubby last night we agreed that this alone should be the true measure of greatness.

So I wanna be like my hero. I bump into you out there from time to time, whether in the form of old friends who beam with excitement telling me of what they’re doing in their community, or famous-ish types on the boob toob helping to lead us all to a better world toward awareness and action.

Will this circuitous path lead me toward that kind of self-fulfillment? Who knows. But I’m glad to have this blog to look back on my thoughts and remind myself of what it is I truly believe in.

If you’re interested in knowing about who I am these days and not just about what I’ve done in these past twenty years, do check out some of the following posts. I’ll be re-reading them alongside you for a bit of ongoing self re-alignment!

• Finding Out Who You Are
• 50 Things to Exclude from the Self-Improvement Campaign
• The Happy Marriage: Two Secrets for Sharing Responsibilities Equitably
• Happy Birthday to me!
• The Ethics and Morality of Buddhism

Oh and tho’ I don’t keep them up to date as well as I should, you can see some baby pictures and videos of my most time-consuming current project on posts here tagged Baby Del.

To you heroes out there: please keep inspiring us! I’ll hope to follow in your footsteps, reading and writing and parenting and loving and seeking and helping, building up the next twenty years of living.

Love,

Mama Hope